Let’s zoom in to the point of emotional collapse as the babygirl archetype.
Where the woman finds herself, not being able to help it, sending a second and third text to the man, emoting all over him about how sad she is, trying to make a case for all the good times they’ve shared; another plea for reassurance.
She, for once, wanted to be seen, contained, soothed, and stabilized like she’s always wanted.
After noticing that he isn’t responding in the way she expects, it quickly turns into a fourth and fifth text of blaming him, accusing him, and trying to make him feel the weight of hurting her.
Though she may be unaware, what is actually showing up is manipulation—because it’s her only sense of power. She doesn’t yet have access to the other, very necessary part of her development.
Instead, she ends up drawing the “empowered” conclusion that he’s not enough. He’s not the right one. Most men are like this, and she just has to discern better next time to find the unicorn that isn’t.
Drawing this conclusion, though it sounds useful, often just perpetuates the same experience. What is missing isn’t the unicorn man, but her own masculine integration.
The Misrecognized Tension
This loop is familiar to many women, particularly the “babygirl” archetype—a woman who lacks masculine integration and is seeking the inner adult to balance her out.
(You can take the free Polarity Archetype Quiz to identify which archetype you are.)
According to Asa Santiago, a coach and teacher specializing in masculine/feminine integration, the babygirl is good at attracting men but often fails at keeping them. It’s the masculine integration in a woman that keeps the man.
This is a fascinating point, and in retrospect, as a babygirl archetype myself, I can see exactly how this played out in my own relationships.
I’d even go as far as saying that most of my failed relationships were actually doomed from the start. They had no chance of working because of my collapsible nature that eventually led to the collapse of the relationship as a whole.
My relationships collapsed because I self-sabotaged and tried to extract things from the relationship that the connection wasn’t designed to provide.
Like Asa also mentions, it’s common for the babygirl archetype to try to seek the father in the lover, which puts too much strain on the relationship and can lead to collapse.
In my personal experience, I was never able to escape relationships collapsing on me when I was collapsible and lacking masculine integration.
Even when I stopped being so easily collapsible and gained some inner stability (before I was aware that I lacked masculine integration), I still couldn’t stop trying to extract the father from the lover. In these instances, the relationship didn’t collapse on me, but instead, led me to end things because I felt the man wasn’t enough.
This sent me down a path of “always seeking,” another trait Asa notes as native to the babygirl archetype.
As you may be able to tell, there are layers to this. Having the whole picture, recognizing that you lack masculine integration, is crucial. Blaming external factors, like men themselves, or attempting to fix one issue at a time is not enough.
Without this understanding, the pattern perpetuates as the woman keeps looking for external improvements. Often, much to the collective detriment of women, this pattern is socially reinforced. Friends nod in understanding, sharing stories about men who, as a collective, just aren’t good enough, making it feel normal.
All of this sounds convincing. Yet, no matter how many relationships the babygirl enters, the dissatisfaction follows. The men change, but the dynamics remain the same.
She collapses, he leaves, she blames, and she seeks again.
What Masculine Integration Does for the babygirl Archetype
Masculine integration allows a woman to contain her own energy so that it’s not weak or fleeting. It helps her set boundaries and regulate her emotions. Without it, she unconsciously asks men to play both father and lover; a role no man can sustain indefinitely.
She seeks stability externally, trying to extract the father from her partner, and manipulates the man to continue the loop.
This is why even attentive, caring men can often feel drained, frustrated, or compelled to pull away from the babygirl.
They are asked to provide what she hasn’t yet built inside herself. When they don’t, or can’t, she interprets it as failure, injustice, or a flaw in men, rather than a reflection of her own unmet need for internal containment.
Signs of the Loop in Everyday Life
This pattern shows up in everyday moments:
- Emotional collapses over minor or neutral disagreements or misunderstandings
- Subtle manipulation to get a man to respond, act, or contain her
- Restless seeking of attention and validation, even in stable relationships
- Chronic dissatisfaction and blame toward partners or “all men”
- Leaning heavily on female friends for validation, normalizing the pattern
Each of these behaviors is not a sign of being “bad” or unlovable—it’s a signal that her inner masculine hasn’t been integrated yet. The cycle can feel automatic, even invisible, until she recognizes the pattern in herself.
The Path to Resolution
The key to breaking this loop is masculine integration. When a woman integrates the masculine:
- Her presence becomes contained and magnetic, not weak or needy
- She sets real boundaries and maintains them effortlessly
- She gives and receives genuinely, without trying to manipulate outcomes
- She stops seeking externally for validation or containment, finding it within herself
Integration cannot be overlooked. Like it or not, the lack of it will continue to reveal itself in relationships and across other areas of life. Attempting to blame external factors or fix one issue at a time keeps you looping the same problems, expending energy on temporary solutions, only to run into the next symptom.
Integration doesn’t happen overnight, but with proper guidance, it is possible to reclaim emotional stability and freedom. Asa’s Integration Coaching is designed specifically to help women identify these patterns, build internal masculine strength, and finally stop repeating cycles that have claimed years of their lives.
The moments of collapse, blame, and restless seeking aren’t failures, they are symptoms pointing to a lack of masculine integration.
By integrating the masculine within, women can move from cycles of frustration and dependence to fully embodied presence, healthier relationships with self, and more stable, fulfilling relationships—romantic and otherwise.
